Learning about stress from an eight year old
October 18th 2007 23:58
As most of my regular readers already know, I recently moved from Victoria to Queensland to escape the cold and find a new and better lifestyle for my family. So far, it all seems to be working out well but this time last week, the story was totally different.
I don’t think I’ve ever realised just how difficult it is for a young child to start a new school and I’ll say, right now, just how proud I am of my daughter and the effort she has had to put in to fit in at her school here in Queensland.
And I never realised how stressful the whole experience can be – not just for her but for us, the people who love her, too.
I kind of assumed, when we first arrived here, that she would find it fairly easy to slot straight in to a new school. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect it to be uneventful, I’m not that naïve, but I guess I hoped it would be as painless as possible for her. She has done it all before, of course, a number of times, in fact.
Her first school was in the Northern Territory where she started part-time in preschool at the tender age of four. By the age of five she had shifted to a school in Tasmania, where she stayed through Kinder and Prep. Year one brought another change of school when we moved to the outer Melbourne suburbs and she stayed there for around eighteen months.
When we left Melbourne she was in year two, happily settled and with a group of friends she adored. And that’s where the problem lay.
When we arrived in Queensland she went straight in to grade three instead of two (this is at the beginning of term three) because the school system is different up here. That confused and scared her to begin with. She didn’t really understand that grade three up here is similar to grade two down south. She just felt like she was missing out a whole year of schooling which terrified her.
She also had to leave her Victorian friends behind, in particular her best friend who she still communicates with through email, and has been thrown in at the deep end trying to make new friends in a class of children who have been together without her for most of the school year. They already have their special friends and groups they hang out in … how does an eight year old fit in to that?
This is in addition to catching up academically of course.
Well, there were tears the first day; just a few, but they were there. We expected that.
Tears the second day as well, and the third. Then on the fourth day we had a phone call from the school to say our daughter had come to sick bay with an upset stomach, feeling sick and crying. So we came and picked her up.
Funnily enough, as soon as we got home she felt fine. The nerves and fear had got so bad that they made her sick … not a situation you want your child to be in. So we talked to her that night; about how she was feeling and some things she could do to help herself.
I didn’t know what to expect on the fifth day. Would we get another phone call? Would she be in tears when I picked her up in the afternoon? Would she run away from school and try to find her own way home, wandering up the road sobbing uncontrollably?
Okay, so I didn’t really expect that last scenario to happen but … you know what I mean.
What I didn’t expect was that she would come out of her classroom and run to us with a big smile on her face saying she had joined the choir, and in the same breath shouting goodbye to a couple of other girls in her class.
And that’s why I’m proud of her. She put herself out there, she stuck her neck out and faced her fear. And for taking a courageous step she was rewarded with friends and a new activity which she seems to really enjoy. It all only took five school days … not a bad effort I reckon, especially considering the problems that arose on the fourth day.
We, as adults, could learn a lot from our children. Many of us spend our whole lives shying away from new situations, fearing them, because of our fear of rejection and failure. New jobs, new homes, new friends all things that could potentially benefit us are shunned because of a simple fear of something new.
Well, I for one am going to make a huge attempt to do exactly what my daughter has just done and stop reacting to the fear. It’ll still be there but I’m going to use it to help me instead of hinder me. Of course I’ll be rejected, I’m a writer after all, but it doesn’t have to stop me from doing the things I really want to do.
Well done, Bug 1, here’s a big hug for you and we might just celebrate this weekend with a cake as we watch the motor racing (V8 Supercars at the Gold Coast, Saturday and Sunday).
I don’t think I’ve ever realised just how difficult it is for a young child to start a new school and I’ll say, right now, just how proud I am of my daughter and the effort she has had to put in to fit in at her school here in Queensland.
And I never realised how stressful the whole experience can be – not just for her but for us, the people who love her, too.
I kind of assumed, when we first arrived here, that she would find it fairly easy to slot straight in to a new school. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect it to be uneventful, I’m not that naïve, but I guess I hoped it would be as painless as possible for her. She has done it all before, of course, a number of times, in fact.
Her first school was in the Northern Territory where she started part-time in preschool at the tender age of four. By the age of five she had shifted to a school in Tasmania, where she stayed through Kinder and Prep. Year one brought another change of school when we moved to the outer Melbourne suburbs and she stayed there for around eighteen months.
When we left Melbourne she was in year two, happily settled and with a group of friends she adored. And that’s where the problem lay.
When we arrived in Queensland she went straight in to grade three instead of two (this is at the beginning of term three) because the school system is different up here. That confused and scared her to begin with. She didn’t really understand that grade three up here is similar to grade two down south. She just felt like she was missing out a whole year of schooling which terrified her.
She also had to leave her Victorian friends behind, in particular her best friend who she still communicates with through email, and has been thrown in at the deep end trying to make new friends in a class of children who have been together without her for most of the school year. They already have their special friends and groups they hang out in … how does an eight year old fit in to that?
This is in addition to catching up academically of course.
Well, there were tears the first day; just a few, but they were there. We expected that.
Tears the second day as well, and the third. Then on the fourth day we had a phone call from the school to say our daughter had come to sick bay with an upset stomach, feeling sick and crying. So we came and picked her up.
Funnily enough, as soon as we got home she felt fine. The nerves and fear had got so bad that they made her sick … not a situation you want your child to be in. So we talked to her that night; about how she was feeling and some things she could do to help herself.
I didn’t know what to expect on the fifth day. Would we get another phone call? Would she be in tears when I picked her up in the afternoon? Would she run away from school and try to find her own way home, wandering up the road sobbing uncontrollably?
Okay, so I didn’t really expect that last scenario to happen but … you know what I mean.
What I didn’t expect was that she would come out of her classroom and run to us with a big smile on her face saying she had joined the choir, and in the same breath shouting goodbye to a couple of other girls in her class.
And that’s why I’m proud of her. She put herself out there, she stuck her neck out and faced her fear. And for taking a courageous step she was rewarded with friends and a new activity which she seems to really enjoy. It all only took five school days … not a bad effort I reckon, especially considering the problems that arose on the fourth day.
We, as adults, could learn a lot from our children. Many of us spend our whole lives shying away from new situations, fearing them, because of our fear of rejection and failure. New jobs, new homes, new friends all things that could potentially benefit us are shunned because of a simple fear of something new.
Well, I for one am going to make a huge attempt to do exactly what my daughter has just done and stop reacting to the fear. It’ll still be there but I’m going to use it to help me instead of hinder me. Of course I’ll be rejected, I’m a writer after all, but it doesn’t have to stop me from doing the things I really want to do.
Well done, Bug 1, here’s a big hug for you and we might just celebrate this weekend with a cake as we watch the motor racing (V8 Supercars at the Gold Coast, Saturday and Sunday).
| 53 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Add To: 
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
Children are so resilient.
As Bug 1 proved...if you want something, go get it. Too many people expect the Lana Turner treatment and even that was a fallacy.
As for the rejection...no such thing. It's all experience!
big hugs...
Dusk
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Thanks. My children are constantly surprising me with their strength and resiliance. I know you'd appreciate that too.
I'm sure my daughter does look to me and learn much from the way I deal with the issues (good and bad) that life throws at me but I'll tell you what ... I'm glad it wasn't me that had to start a new school ... it would have had me quaking in my boots.
Rejection isn't always a bad thing ... it just makes you stronger. If you let it.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Big hugs.
Cara.xxxx
Comment by Portsmouth
This post had me in tears. I'm sure you are very very proud of your beautiful daughter, and I feel very proud of her too. I do hope she likes her new school and can settle there for a Your text goes herelong time.
Lots of love as always from Pompey
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Sorry about the delay in answering ... you know how it is!!
She has done an admirable job, settling in to her new school. I am very proud of her and I'm sure she'll do well there.
Take care, love
Axxxx