Finding Me (not Finding Nemo)
February 12th 2007 10:50
Before you ask, no, this has nothing to do with fish.
One of my New Year’s resolutions this year … along with the obvious, of course: to get more healthy, to spend more time with my children and husband, to publish my first novel etc etc etc … was to find myself.
… yes, yes, yes, I know, the diet and health queen is resolving to take her own advice and get more healthy … these things happen. Get over it!
Anyway, back to the subject of this post: finding myself. What exactly do I mean by that?
To tell you the truth, I’m honestly not sure, but I believe that a person’s ultimate health is strongly connected to how they perceive themselves. If you spend your life lying about who you are, whether intentionally or not, then your health is bound to suffer.
Losing yourself is surprisingly simple to do. In this altruistic world of living for everyone else, doing what others want you to do instead of what you want to do, being the person you’re expected to be instead of the person you really are. All of these things are practised daily by the majority of the population.
How many times have you gritted your teeth, smiled and said yes instead of no? How many times have you gone out when you’d rather stay in?
All these things may seem small, insignificant, but they all add up.
There are so many people in our lives that we are striving to please; husband, wife, partner, children, parents, friends, boss, workmates … the list is endless … but, hang on, the most important name is missing. The name that really should be right up at the top of that list …
… yourself.
By putting yourself to the top of your ‘people to please’ list, you’re not being selfish, you’re not being egotistical or ignoring the needs of those around you. By putting yourself to the top of the list and making yourself happy and content, you will have much more success in passing some of this happiness on to others and pleasing those around you.
This isn’t an excuse to be selfish, though. Top of the list doesn’t mean that you are alone on that list and if you forget all those others on your ‘people to please’ list you will more than likely end up alone…
… unhappy and dissatisfied.
And unhealthy.
To find yourself you need to stop hiding. Stop hiding from all of those people around you, stop lying to them. Communicate honestly with them. But above all else, you need to stop hiding from yourself. You need to work out what you really want and only then can you determine how you are going to achieve these goals.
It doesn’t matter how simple or insignificant these goals seem … put them all together and they all add up.
You will feel better, healthier, for doing this. And so will the people around you, the people you love.
One thing that I’ve found important in my life is what I call ‘me time’; in other words, time for me. Time that I spend alone with no distractions, no expectations on me or my time, and no guilt for doing what I want … for me.
For many years I lived my life with no time taken out just for me. My time was split between workmates, friends and husband and then my children came along. ‘Me time’ seemed like a distant memory. Finally I realised that I would go crazy if I didn’t find time to spend with me and me alone.
So I found it.
My ‘me time’ is in the evening, after my children go to bed. I’m lucky enough that my husband works in the evening on week days, so five days a week I get a couple of hours ‘me time’ each night before bed. And, believe me, it makes such a difference.
If I feel like writing, I write. If I feel like reading, I read. If I feel like doing absolutely nothing and just relaxing in front of a crappy game show on TV with a packet of chocolate biscuits, I do it.
And I think … about me. I communicate with me.
And, most importantly, it’s all guilt-free ... even the chocolate biscuits.
So, find yourself, stop hiding and start being you. Oh, and get healthier without even trying.
What could be better than that?
One of my New Year’s resolutions this year … along with the obvious, of course: to get more healthy, to spend more time with my children and husband, to publish my first novel etc etc etc … was to find myself.
… yes, yes, yes, I know, the diet and health queen is resolving to take her own advice and get more healthy … these things happen. Get over it!
Anyway, back to the subject of this post: finding myself. What exactly do I mean by that?
To tell you the truth, I’m honestly not sure, but I believe that a person’s ultimate health is strongly connected to how they perceive themselves. If you spend your life lying about who you are, whether intentionally or not, then your health is bound to suffer.
Losing yourself is surprisingly simple to do. In this altruistic world of living for everyone else, doing what others want you to do instead of what you want to do, being the person you’re expected to be instead of the person you really are. All of these things are practised daily by the majority of the population.
How many times have you gritted your teeth, smiled and said yes instead of no? How many times have you gone out when you’d rather stay in?
All these things may seem small, insignificant, but they all add up.
There are so many people in our lives that we are striving to please; husband, wife, partner, children, parents, friends, boss, workmates … the list is endless … but, hang on, the most important name is missing. The name that really should be right up at the top of that list …
… yourself.
By putting yourself to the top of your ‘people to please’ list, you’re not being selfish, you’re not being egotistical or ignoring the needs of those around you. By putting yourself to the top of the list and making yourself happy and content, you will have much more success in passing some of this happiness on to others and pleasing those around you.
This isn’t an excuse to be selfish, though. Top of the list doesn’t mean that you are alone on that list and if you forget all those others on your ‘people to please’ list you will more than likely end up alone…
… unhappy and dissatisfied.
And unhealthy.
To find yourself you need to stop hiding. Stop hiding from all of those people around you, stop lying to them. Communicate honestly with them. But above all else, you need to stop hiding from yourself. You need to work out what you really want and only then can you determine how you are going to achieve these goals.
It doesn’t matter how simple or insignificant these goals seem … put them all together and they all add up.
You will feel better, healthier, for doing this. And so will the people around you, the people you love.
One thing that I’ve found important in my life is what I call ‘me time’; in other words, time for me. Time that I spend alone with no distractions, no expectations on me or my time, and no guilt for doing what I want … for me.
For many years I lived my life with no time taken out just for me. My time was split between workmates, friends and husband and then my children came along. ‘Me time’ seemed like a distant memory. Finally I realised that I would go crazy if I didn’t find time to spend with me and me alone.
So I found it.
My ‘me time’ is in the evening, after my children go to bed. I’m lucky enough that my husband works in the evening on week days, so five days a week I get a couple of hours ‘me time’ each night before bed. And, believe me, it makes such a difference.
If I feel like writing, I write. If I feel like reading, I read. If I feel like doing absolutely nothing and just relaxing in front of a crappy game show on TV with a packet of chocolate biscuits, I do it.
And I think … about me. I communicate with me.
And, most importantly, it’s all guilt-free ... even the chocolate biscuits.
So, find yourself, stop hiding and start being you. Oh, and get healthier without even trying.
What could be better than that?
| 86 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Portsmouth
Lots of love as always xxxxxx
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
What a great post! it has been my January resolution ( I make Jan resolutions and hope they turn into new YEAR resolutions! lol) to allow more time for myself. So far I am being driven mad by the insane thoughts I have on what I am going to do, where I am going, why I am doing all of this...but you know I have been having reassuring dreams and reassuring comments that make me believe that everything you are saying is right...we need to spend some time on ourselves once in a while and it is not selfish to do so.
Good on ya gerl!
ash
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Thank you for the lovely compliments, you know that your opinion means a lot to me.
Have a lovely day.
Love A xxxx
P.S. Great news about Freddie and the boys, isn't it?
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Well, good on you as well. Thank you so much for the lovely words and it's great to 'meet' another like-minded person.
I really hope you manage to work out where you want to be and how to get there and, most importantly, make sure you enjoy that guilt-free 'time for you'.
Thanks again, Ash.
A.H.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Thanks!!!! We mothers always appreciate 'me time', don't we. There's never enough of it!!
A.H.
Comment by MelissaA
Fun Facts
I have as of yesterday decided that I have had enough of the bad work ethics of some of the people that I work with to the point where I rang my boss and laid it all out on the line for her, even though I am still only learning the job and on a probationary period.
I had been keeping my mouth shut about a lot of it but I finally reached a point where I decided that this is not me, I'm not putting up with this rubbish anymore and I don't care what anyone else I work with thinks, new or not!
I'm in this to work and pay my way through Uni, not run in a popularity contest.
I've had trouble with bosses not taking action in the past so I guess I was worried this would be the same to some extent, that and of course being new to the job, but after talking to her yesterday and realising that she not only believes what I say and is going to take steps I have felt so much better about it.
Especially when she commented to me on how many staff she's had to let go in the last month or so due to very poor work performance.
I felt like I had done exactly the right thing and felt much more like myself again than I have in a while. : )
I just wish I'd been around earlier to read this post, it may have helped me assert myself a bit earlier, but better late than never.
Excellent post Andrea! I really do wish I'd read it sooner!
Comment by Candice
That's very true. I've actually found that in being a mother I've become more assertive about what's okay for me. Though a lot of the time it's because I'm making sure my daughter is looked after, it's also made me stand up for myself more, and to actually think about I want for me more too!
My hubby's also been doing shift work for a while now so every second week I get the evenings to myself too. I love having the time to write and read, and while at first I didn't like it, I now look forward to that time - and the choccy fixes do rate a mention for me too!
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
Like you so rightly say ... better late than never. In my opinion you should be proud of yourself for standing up for what you believe in and not just 'going with the flow' like so many people do, myself included a lot of the time.
It's so easy just to put things off ... 'I'll just wait until my probationary period has finished,' or 'I'll wait until the baby has been born' (in my case) but, when that time comes, it's too easy just to find another excuse for putting things off.
I love hearing stories like this. When I read about other people asserting themselves and standing up instead of stepping back from the problem, I feel inspired to continue my quest for doing the same thing to better my own life.
Congrats and I hope it all works out for you at work the way you desire. Thankyou for sharing this story.
A.H.
Comment by Andrea
Diet and Health
V8 Supercar Pitstop
When my husband started shift work his hours were quite erratic ... sometimes he'd work early-mid evening (like he does now) finishing around 11pm, sometimes he'd work until 3 or 4 in the morning. That made it a little more difficult to have regular me-time.
Now he's much more regular in his hours and I love my time alone with just myself and my thoughts (and the choccy, of course). It's still nice to have him home at weekends, though.
Children do make it easier for us mothers to learn a little assertiveness, don't they. I've found exactly the same thing, although, I must admit that sometimes I rely on my husband's assertiveness a little too much ... to do the hard work for me. That's something that has to change for me, a bit more self-confidence never goes astray.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing. It's always nice to find another like-minded person.
A.H.